Opinionated Bean

I have brought in my macbook for servicing, last Friday. I need a new logic board (aka motherboard) and the CrackStore rang to say I also need a new fan. I have AppleCare so this isn’t costing me a dime. But in the meanwhile I am without a computer. Oh how shall I handle my WOW withdrawals?

I was merrily watching season 1 of “Supernatural” when at 3:30am I heard a young woman start screaming at the top of her lungs on my floor. I thought it may have been a domestic dispute so I went out into the corridor, as did a young fellow who lives across the way from me.

The young woman was running up and down the  corridor like a derranged lunatic trying to get into people’s apartments. She kept collapsing and then would get up and run again. I called Security and they tried to restrain her. She kept screaming and screaming and would break free of the security guard.

By this time her friend from another floor came up to try and calm her. Security demanded I call 911 and I did… which freaked out her friend, who begged me not to call the cops. She then started running up and down both stairwells screaming at the top of her lungs. I could hear her from my floor while she was on other floors - the voice was that loud.

Police finally caught her and took her away.

It appears she was may have been on some sort of recreational narcotic.

This never happens in my building - when people scream it’s usually with joy (i.e. hockey team, really great sex etc)

…yipee, I had fun.

As some of you know, who care to peruse my archives, I celebrated my birthday a tad early for the simple reason being that this year the anniversary of my birth was on a Tuesday.

I managed to round-up a fairly ecclectic bunch of miscreants to celebrate my downward spiral towards second childhood (aka senility). As always my usual companion in the shape of Tarotcub was there - and for some reason which I cannot fathom he really got into the gin & sodas - dear god that man could put them away, I lost count after the 7th.

Mr Brian Walsh also attended and he managed to forget how many pints he had drunk at our first pub/bar. I would like to mention that I have singled Mr Walsh out since he is developing quite a cult following on Facebook.

Mistress Lydia and her ever-faithful life companion, Mr Andrew, showed as well as Miss Rebecca. I especially enjoyed the look on Lydia’s face that some of us have known for weeks that her Mr Andrew is kidnapping her to a secret location for her birthday.

I had great fun with Wolfsong’s gift of blowing soap bubbles (I had asked for no gifts, so there wouldn’t be any pressure on anyone, I just wanted to enjoy the day), which were greatly appreciated. Mandy and Tim were leaping about like feral cats, trying to eat the bubbles and take pics of the bubbles.

Amber managed to prance in like a little pixie (she’s not that little, the wench towers over me and makes me feel like a hobbit), Daniel meandered in and John showed up all Steam-Punk. Mr Michael was his effervescent self, as always.

I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

How to apply World of Warcraft to marriage

I blogged a while ago about men and their pits and how I wished they would explore the wonders and delights of antiperspirant. I still hold to the idea that a good sense of hygiene is all that one really needs to not stink up the place, so to speak.

So now I go from men flapping their unwanted stinky man-stench to ladies and their need to drown in scent. I can never win - either it’s man stench or the latest in cheap knockoffs of Obsession or Chanel No.5. A slight scent is liveable and acceptable. Putting enough on that everyone can smell you 10 metres away is unacceptable; especially so if there is more than one wench in the general vicinity.

Whatever happened to a good shower in the morning? Does one need perfume anymore? In the past it was used to cover up the fact that people rarely bathed. But in today’s shower/bath obsessed western culture I would think that perfume & cologne has lost its usefulness — unless one uses it in their seduction arsenal. But I must say, if it’s for seducing me, I get instantly turned off by too much stench — whether it’s due to too much sweat or too much fake scent.

People should just enjoy their loofah sponges and become proficient with them.

While leaving the office today I took note of a gentleman who’s hair was a very striking shade of red - a cross between burgundy & flame with a dash of violet. At first I thought he may have been dipping into the Clairol or L’oreal hair colouring products - usually used by women; older men still tend to use Grecian Hair Forumla.

What I did discover when I passed him by was that he was wearing a very bad weave. He could be bald due to medical reasons, such as cancer therapy or having alapecia. But he had his eyebrows, there were hairs hanging out of his nose, so I assumed that he was just ashamed of his baldness.

Why can’t men celebrate their baldness. Relish it, enjoy it. All you really have to do, other than wipe it down is to put some sunscreen on so that it doesn’t burn. No more need for shampoo and hair conditioner.

Celebrate your baldness!!!

Now I have heard everything. Seems an inmate one of the glorious american prisons is being starved to death, story here.

A fat man is in jail waiting for his murder trial. He went into prison at above 400lbs but is now down to a svelte 308lb, and is quite unhappy about this. He is complaining that the 3000 calorie a day prison diet is tantamount to starvation- seems his wee little tummy starts to rumble an hour after eating. He’s also pushing to have the prison serve hot meals -  he hasn’t had a hot meal since September 2007 as the prison serves cold meals.

I could say that I am shocked that a complaint like this could even potentially be taken seriously. But I am not. The United States of America, home of the free and land of the brave, is a highly litigious society in which parents of fat kids try to sue McDonald’s for fattening their kids.

With regards to the fat prisoner, he’s also complaining that he’s short of breath and refuses to do any exercise in the exercise yard. Maybe if the lard-ass actually got off his arse and even strolled around the yard this might help with his hunger pangs.

I wish I had the problem of losing 100lbs in 7 months. Someone should just whoop his ass. He’s in prison, at some point he has to realise that he cannot have the comforts of home - which probably include several pizzas, fries/chips, several pounds of doughnuts and other wonderfully processed foods each day. Life is soooo hard.

I just had a nasty experience on an elevator today - a stinky man was next to me, wafting his pits about, airing them out because he was schvitzing. I know it’s fairly warm today in Toronto, everyone knows that, so why this gentleman couldn’t have the decency to put on some antiperspirant or deodorant is beyond my comprehension.

I don’t relish my olfactory senses being assaulted by “man stench”. I was stuck on this elevator going up to the 18th floor while he was fanning his pits near me. I nearly gagged and made it obvious, I believe, that I didn’t appreciate this and moved to the other side of the elevator; and I did the typical Canadian thing, I glared but stayed mute.

I implore all men out there - wear your blasted antiperspirant, or I’ll smack you.